Why Do We Hate Each Other?

Why are Americans so at odds with each other? Why have so many people entrenched themselves in opposing camps, viciously vilifying each other? What has turned us into a nation of Us vs. Them?

Is cable news responsible? Did the Russians do it? Does it go back to Newt Gingrich or the Robert Bork confirmation?

In his book, Them, Senator Ben Sasse has a very unpolitical answer. It’s because, he says, we are lonely. We have fewer friends. We are more disconnected from our communities. So we grasp for a group to feel part of, to identify with. More and more that manifests itself in our political and social identities.

Since World War II single-person households have tripled to 26 percent. Technology has also pushed us into self-reinforcing corners where we just don’t encounter people as people who might have differing views. Other significant factors are at work as well.

Yes, cable news and radio talk showmen and show women have taken advantage of our situation. And yes, the Russians have fanned the flames too with more than 50,000 Russian-linked Twitter accounts fueling outrage by sending automated messages on both sides of issues. But these only feed on a pre-existing condition.

What’s the cure for our illness? The last half of the book offers several worthwhile remedies, from setting tech limits in our personal lives to building into a neighborhood or community to re-educating ourselves on how democracy works and what it stands for.

Sasse regularly says the book is not political in the sense of party politics or hot-button issues. He is right. The book is social and personal. When he does touch on political examples, he is to be commended for being very evenhanded–criticizing and praising as appropriate both right and left, both politicians and journalists, both Republicans and Democrats. Sasse models how we can treat each other as human beings, as fellow Americans who deserve our listening ear and our respect.

The Importance of Being Factual

The world is better than you think. Really? Really. Consider these–all based on UN statistics:

  • Life expectancy has risen worldwide from 31 years in 1800 to 72 years in 2017.
  • No country in the world has an average life expectancy of less than 50 years today.
  • The percentage of undernourished people has dropped from 28% in 1970 to 11% in 2015.

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Mindset and Writer’s Block

I was talking with my son Dave, an athletic director at a high school in Tucson, about sports psychology. How do you help athletes move beyond a loss or bad performance? How do you help them focus on the next match or game without being dragged down by the past?

It suddenly occurred to me that this could have parallels to writer’s block. Writers often get stuck. Something went wrong, and now they can’t seem to move forward. So I asked, “What are the best books or resources on the topic?” He suggested Mindset.

Generally I shy away from self-help and especially positive thinking books. This book, however, does not simply say, “Think good thoughts, not bad, and all will be well.” The main proposal is more substantive and based on research that has helped not just athletes but also students, teachers, business people, parents, and writers.

The nub of Carol Dweck’s idea is that we often fall into one of two mindsets. The fixed mindset believes talent, ability, brains are God-given and there is nothing we can do to improve. If we are dumb or uncoordinated, we are just stuck there. If we are brilliant or talented, success should come easy. In either case, there is no point in working hard. And for both, losses can be devastating because it means I must not be talented.

The growth mindset isn’t focused on winning. It focuses on improving, on learning. The outcome is secondary. The result? Setbacks become opportunities to get better. We accept challenges so we can grow rather than avoid them for fear we will fail. Criticism isn’t a judgment on me as a person but ideas that I can learn from. Those with the growth mindset also tend to do better than those with a fixed mindset.

One of the most startling applications of this is that parents should not praise their children for who they are, how smart they are, how talented, how skilled. That instills the fixed mindset which discourages effort.

Rather, parents should praise children for how hard they try. Not for the grade but for what they learned. Not for the win, but for how they improved. In a way, this book offers the exact opposite of the self-esteem movement.

Mindset is a popularly written book with lots and lots of stories. It basically has one idea that it keeps hitting again and again. Whatever research the book is based on is way in the background. Another book on psychology, Thinking, Fast and Slow, is also filled with stories but has dozens of fascinating ideas based on research that is closer to the surface.

In addition, Dweck seems to imply that mindset is context-free. It doesn’t matter what your circumstances, background or social setting are. The growth mindset works all the time everywhere for everyone. I would have liked more than anecdotal evidence on how this paradigm is or could be effective in underresourced communities. She does offer qualifications a few times, saying not everyone can become a Beethoven or a Michael Jordan but that all can improve. Still the breathless enthusiasm of a true believer permeates the book.

What about writer’s block? Dweck’s work can, nonentheless, be helpful in dealing with criticism which can paralyze writers because they see it as a judgment on who they are. “Obviously, I don’t have the talent.”

When they change to the growth mindset, they saw criticism as an opportunity to improve. In essence, they thought, “Teachers and editors are just doing their job to point out errors and weakness. Now I need to do my job by improving my work.” So they did.

A New Spiritual Classic

Centuries ago Brother Lawrence wrote the spiritual classic The Practice of the Presence of God. There that monk taught us to be aware that God is with us in each moment, even when performing such mundane tasks as working in the kitchen or cleaning a floor. In Liturgy of the Ordinary Tish Warren has provided us with such a classic for our day.

From

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waking to brushing teeth to making phone calls to getting into an argument to going to sleep at night, she opens to us how we live each moment in God’s presence. These gifts of repeated patterns or recurring events in our lives offer us the opportunity to see God’s grace in each moment and give thanks for his gifts when life is hard and when it is good.

The

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spirit this book creates is wise, warm, encouraging and at the same time very honest. It is neither sugarcoated nor moralistic. We don’t find do’s and don’ts. Rather, in this Christianity Today Book of the Year, we find a winsome invitation to join our day to God’s.

While the book uses the motif of liturgy to frame the book, readers certainly don’t need to come from or be familiar with the liturgical tradition to benefit from this. Instead it provides fresh dimensions for and expands our appreciation of Immanuel, God with us.

A Story Even Those Who Aren’t Baseball Fans Can Enjoy

Moneyball is the kind of book (as was the movie) that you can love even if you aren’t interested in baseball. It’s a David and Goliath story. It’s story of calcified tradition vs. gritty innovation. It’s a story of rising from the ashes.
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Science Fiction at Its Best

Science fiction at its best helps us care about ideas and care about people. Blake Crouch’s Dark Matter hits both targets dead center. It’s the best I’ve read this year among many top-rated novels in the genre.

Too often SciFi is plot driven, like an action movie. It’s fun, to be sure. And Dark Matter has plenty of action and drama. But that’s not what sets this book apart.

So what’s the central idea the book deals with? What would it be like to live a different version of your life, to follow a different key choice you made that would lead you down a different path? Yes, that’s not entirely new, but its an important idea, one that the book makes you think about.

Likewise, Blake Crouch focuses on people–the other missing dimension from so many SciFi books. His central character, Jason Dessen living in present-day Chicago, is three dimensional, complex and conflicted. He and others are not cardboard cut outs used as excuses for a wild ride through the universe. They are people we can identify with, imagine ourselves with, imagine wanting to help.

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What’s Jason’s dilemma? Think of those who are closest and dearest to you, and now imagine they are suddenly gone–either by your own choices or because of others. How do you feel and what do you do to get them back? Would you compromise your own values and ethics to do so? Would you let them go for a greater good? The gravity of Crouch’s book draws us into all these questions.

In short, Dark Matter is deeply human, taking seriously both heart and mind.

Family in a Time of Technology

Glowing screens entrance us wherever we are. From smart phones to tablets to laptops to maximum-strength HD TVs–young and old alike are mesmerized by our enticing “easy everywhere” culture. Promising the Nirvana of connectivity, ear buds and touch pads actually detach us from those who are bodily in the same room or at the same table with us.

What’s a family to do? Andy Crouch to the rescue.
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